Explore

For as long as I can remember, I have been afraid of riding a bike. I have a somewhat irrational fear of flying over the handlebars and cracking my head open.

Now of course that is a real thing that could happen, but it’s never happened to me in the past. I was never one of the kids who rode their bike to school. I had a blue Schwinn beach cruiser, like so many other kids in my neighborhood, but I was only allowed to ride it on the sidewalk, around my cul-de-sac only, never crossing any streets. Sounds fun, doesn’t it? I think I inherited my irrational fear from my mother.

These days, I live less than a mile from the bike trail and I own two bikes: a cruiser and a hybrid. My husband is an avid road cyclist who has completed century rides and puts miles on his  bike two or three times a week. I would love to go with him sometimes, or to go on some cycling adventures when we travel. But I can’t keep up.

I’ve always been content to take a few rides a year, down to the beach or just along the trail. Truth be told, I usually wake up the next day with aching shoulders because I white-knuckled the handlebars the entire time.

When you’re focused on the fear

Recently a couple of my friends started riding with a women’s cycling group at The Unlikely Cyclist, a local women-owned bike shop whose mission is to get more women on bikes. My friends talked about how fun the group rides were, and what a great complement cycling is to yoga. They asked me to join them on a group ride.

“Oh no, not me!” I chuckled. “I could never do that. I have real bike fears!”

“Why?” asked my friend Jessy. She already told me she overcame her own biking trepidation when she lived in Thailand and had to ride her bike through literally life-endangering traffic to get anywhere. No big deal. “What scares you about it?” she asked.

Me: The traffic. Getting hit by a car. Changing gears. Downhill speeds. Somersaulting over the handlebars. Cracking my head open.

She (with kindness and not an ounce of judgement): You can’t focus on the fear. Focus on the good parts. What do you love about riding a bike? The sights, the sounds, the smells of being outside? That’s what I love.

I went home that night and pondered. Is it comforting somehow to focus on the fear rather than challenging it? Fear is a real and helpful thing: it’s what keeps us from stepping over the edge, touching the hot pan on the stove, or maxing out the credit card on a Nordstrom Rack shopping spree. (Oh, is that just me?)

Fear keeps us safe. But if unchecked, fear can keep us from experiencing some really awesome things. I think it’s easy to focus on the fear because it’s such an easily accessible emotion, tied to habits or inhibitions that go way back, like the blue cruiser rules of my childhood. But what if we looked that fear in the face and asked it to explain itself? Where does it come from, and is it valid?

I mean, danger is literally always around us. I could fall out of a headstand in yoga class and break my neck (literally) or have a severe allergic reaction to my food or get hit by a bus or ANY NUMBER OF HORRIBLE THINGS.

If I lived my life in a state of  fear and anxiety about what danger could befall me at any given moment, I could not actually live my life. Besides, just because it could happen, doesn’t mean it will.

And here’s the real truth: many of the bigger fears I have been holding on to and dreading my entire adult life have come to pass in the last year: my dad was diagnosed with dementia, I had to clear out and sell my childhood home, move both of my parents into assisted living facilities…it all happened. It’s still happening. I was always afraid of this stuff–I mean, it has tortured me from the back of my mind for years. I knew it would be painful and I knew I would have to deal with it.

Some of my worst fears came true, and some didn’t. There were surprises, good and bad. The thing is this: I had no control over 99% of what happened in the last year. I’m sure that’s true for whatever is coming in the years ahead too. I am not in control.

And that is exactly what fear is based in: the feeling of being out of control.

So how do you overcome fear?

One way to deal with fear, according to this MIT study, is to recognize that your brain can only focus on one main thing at a time. So an effective method of getting over a fear is to focus instead on what you CAN control.

Or as my friend Jessy suggested, focus on what you enjoy instead of what is freaking you out.

So I challenged myself to stop focusing on the fear. I joined the Beginners Group Ride and I wore my helmet and super-tight, padded shorts and I learned how to signal a turn and pump my brakes.

More important, I started redirecting my attention and focusing on the experiences I love when I ride my bike: seeing the moon rise on an evening ride, watching the sun set over the water of the back bay, feeling the breeze on my skin, meeting new friends and moving my body in a new way.

When I am on my bike, I bring in what I have learned from yoga: I breathe through the hard stuff and I tell myself that I am safe, even when I’m careening down a steep hill.

Because the reality is, I don’t know what’s coming around the bend, on the road or in my life. I might fall. But I can’t white knuckle it anymore. That’s no way to live.

Instead, I choose to jump in with both feet. Or in this case, both pedals. I also choose to limit the risks of my imminent demise by wearing a helmet and riding safely and responsibly.

So today I’m buying myself a road bike. Look out world, here comes another girl on the road. I’ll be aiming to keep a light grip on the handlebars.

Have you ever listened to what your inner critic actually says to you on the daily?

Mine says stuff like, “Wow, you’re really terrible at that.” “What makes you think you can do this?” “Who do you think you are?”

It’s now week 4 of my 200-hour yoga teacher training. When we started a few weeks ago, one of my wise teachers (the indomitable Colleen Hieber) asked us all to think about what resistance looks like. We had to write down an answer to this question: “What stops me from completing what I want to do?”

Now we’re a month in and last week I got a peek at that Resistance first-hand. I’m fairly comfortable and confident in my practice at this point. I’m not an expert or an advanced student, but I no longer doubt myself much in class anymore. I know my limitations and my strengths.

But learning to teach others how to do yoga, specifically how to cue them to bend themselves into these shapes with Sanskrit names, is a WHOLE other ball of wax.

My mind goes completely blank. I know the pose, but I don’t know how to tell you to make it with your own body.

And then my mind starts sounding off with some pretty harsh reprimands, such as “I can’t do this.” “I’m no good at this.” “How come I’m not getting it?”

Then I move on to the justifications: “I don’t really need to teach. I’m not even sure I want to teach. I don’t need to do this.”

Ah, Resistance.

I realized this week that I may have a particularly vocal Resistance that is speaking up because it’s not used to being poked too much. It kind of gets to run the show in my life.

As a freelancer/small business person, I don’t do things I’m no good at. I do the jobs I want to do, and typically I accept those jobs and get excited about them because I’m pretty sure I’m going to do an awesome job at them.

Sure, I stretch myself and learn new skills from time to time, but on my own terms. I don’t have a boss assigning me a new project I have no choice but to complete. I don’t answer to shareholders who want to move in a new direction. I do the work I want to do, for the most part, on my own terms.

So I was feeling pretty crappy about my progress in teacher training, but I drug myself to my favorite Monday morning yoga class with Colleen, still brooding a bit about my sucky teaching skills.

We got to the part of class where we do handstand drills. In fact, that day, she challenged us to do one-minute holds. And it was hard, but I did it. Then she says to us, “Remember when you first started coming to my class and you couldn’t do a handstand? Now you can hold it for a minute. Can you appreciate that transformation?”

Aha! Lightbulb moment. Because I remember exactly how I felt two years ago in her class, thinking, “Handstands, is she crazy?!” The first time, I don’t even think I tried to do one.

My Resistance said, “You’re too old.” “You’re too weak.” “You’re too fat.” “You could never stand on your hands.”

That voice was strong. I believed it 100%. But the rebel in me wanted to try anyway. At first, I would kick as hard as I could, and THUD, hit the wall behind me, if I could even kick up at all. Then one class Colleen asked us “Have you noticed what you’re saying to yourself as you try to kick up? Can you change that dialog?”

It’s amazing how when you tell yourself you can’t do a thing, you then in fact, actually can’t do it. You prove yourself right. And the cycle perpetuates.

So I changed that conversation. I would say to myself instead, “I am light. I am light. I am light.” Over and over again, and that was the only thought I allowed in my brain while any type of inversion was being attempted. I meant it in both the divine and physical ways.

And I stopped arguing with my Resistance. I told it instead, “I hear you. I might really suck at this. I might fail. But I’m going to try anyway.”

I remember my sense of utter delight and wonder when I actually got upside down.

Cut back to what I wrote that day when asked how my Resistance shows up for me and what stops me from finishing something I want to do. I said:

• I think it’s too hard and I can’t do it.
• I check out when I feel like I’m not doing something really well.
• I get overwhelmed and my energy drains.

Check, check, and check. Thanks for coming to yoga teacher training with me, Resistance. Glad to see you made yourself comfortable.

How to handle the Resistance

Sound familiar? If so, here’s what I plan to say to myself next time this happens. Maybe you can try it too.

Here’s the deal, Resistance. I understand you just want to protect me. You don’t want to see me fail and my ego get crushed. But you know what? My Curiosity is in charge for awhile. We’re going to try a few things that are going to make you uncomfortable. Everything will be okay, I promise.

Because whether it’s standing on my hands or figuring out how to explain Downward-Facing Dog (that’s Ardho Mukha Svanasana to me) to a beginner, I want to try to learn something new.

Let’s see what happens now. I’ll keep you posted. For more on my yoga journey, check out when I fell in love and the decision to start teacher training.

P.S. Part of the reason I recognized Resistance is that I just finished reading The Big Leap, which is all about how you have an Upper Limit Problem you don’t even realize. It’s definitely worth a read.

When I took the leap from corporate to freelance work a few years ago, I was both frightened and empowered. I knew I had gained some valuable knowledge and skills in my corporate job, and I was confident I could provide valuable assistance to other businesses.

But I didn’t realize I needed to UNtrain myself in order to be a successful consultant.

My approach, my mindset, and my attitude all needed some serious adjustments, and it took me awhile to figure that out.

So if you’re thinking about taking the leap from corporate to freelance, here are some ways you can shift your mindset before you take the jump.

1. Multi-tasking is Masochism

   In the corporate world, everyone seems to have this in common: too many projects, too many meetings, not enough budget. Am I right? So we end up hiring candidates who are multi-tasking warriors. We even ask them about this specific skill when we interview them: “Tell me about a time when you had to juggle multiple projects on a tight deadline, and how you handled that.” Sound familiar?

   Multi-tasking can (and has to!) work on a corporate team, where different team members are assigned to various projects, and a manager keeps everyone on task and on-time.

   But when you’re a freelance consultant, you are team member, manager, and project manager all in one! And if you try to multi-task different client work, you will end up disappointing your clients and wanting to throw your laptop out the window.

   You have to take each client, each client project, ONE at a time. I use my Google calendar to schedule out EVERYthing, from client work to workouts. And I know myself well enough now to know that my sweet spot is taking on one to three client projects in a week. And when I block out time for a project, I only work on THAT project during that block of time, and nothing else.

   Because–here’s the beauty of freelancing–I can hang up my Do Not Disturb sign. My boss isn’t calling. My team isn’t knocking on my door. I am truly in control of my time, so I make sure to devote my full and complete attention to each project, and I do my best not to get distracted.

   PS: Do yourself a favor and schedule some free time in-between those project blocks too. A 5-minute Vitamin D break or a 15-minute walk around the block ensures you’re ready to give your whole mind and focus to the next project too.

2. It’s All About Me. No, Really.

   At my last job, I managed a team, so I was always talking about what “we” accomplished or achieved together. It was so ingrained in my vernacular, actually, that a recruiter for another corporate job I was considering before I decided to freelance called me out on it. “Your resumé is great,” she said. “But who is the ‘we’ you keep mentioning? I need to know what YOU personally contributed and achieved.”

   As a freelance consultant, humility is NOT a virtue. I had to get comfortable talking about the knowledge I have, the praise I have garnered, the skills I have that make me unique and knowledgeable.

   I had to learn how to toot my own horn. Not in an arrogant or boastful way, but with a confident certainty that helps my potential clients realize that what I have to offer is what they need. Every initial client consultation is a job interview. So you’d better be ready, and shelve that humility for a bit.

3. A Little More Flow, A Little Less Hustle

   In corporate land, you often don’t have much say in which projects you work on. Most assignments are given to you–by your boss, your boss’s boss, etc.

   As a freelance consultant, you have the freedom to choose whatever projects and clients you want to work on. Awesome, right?!

   But there is a common problem for many of us freelancers: feast or famine. Meaning, oddly enough, one month clients are knocking down your door like crazy, and the next you are knocking on THEIRS begging for work.

   I don’t know why those flurries occur (cosmic energy? quarterly budgets?) but I can attest to their absolute existence.

   So as a freelance consultant, you have to come up with your own ways to ride out the waves, because there’s no big boss to come hand you your next gig.

   Here’s what I’ve learned: I schedule my hustle into my flow. When client work is leaner, I start to schedule in time for networking events, polishing up my social media game, and learning new skills. Yes, I put those things on my calendar too.

   And you know what inevitably happens when I start connecting and learning? I meet new clients. I learn new stuff to attract new clients. And my regular clients start calling again too.

   The key is not to panic–or park yourself on the couch to Netflix for a solid week either. Keep doing your work, and the tide will come back in.

4. Make YES Your Favorite Word

   So often in my corporate job, I had to find ways to tactfully say no. There wasn’t enough time, or budget, or resources to do some of the projects I really wanted to do. Of course there were some I was happy to say no to also.

   Now that my time is my own, I try to say yes as much as I can. Time is still money, so I can’t say yes to everything. But when I am approached to volunteer for an organization I admire, or to attend a new event or networking group, or even to have a conversation with a head hunter when I’m not in the market for another corporate job–I say YES. Because you never know whom you might meet, or what connections you might make that lead to the start of something wonderful.

   I still listen to my gut and if it doesn’t make sense for me, I will politely decline. But I really like to say yes now, because I can. And it feels so much better than always saying no.

For more on making the making the leap from corporate to freelance work, see my post on the 5 tools you need to know about, and what it really means to work from home.

And if you need some help with marketing, writing, or editorial, come on over and see me at Purple Ink Creative, I’d love to help!

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save